More than 26

It all started at dinner with college friends. Over bevies, high calorie eats, and conversation about their husbands and children the attention turned to me and my latest adventures of dating.

“I really thought he was different…I know, I know, I say that every time. My judgement has been bad. I know, I know I see the good in everyone.   So maybe I never looked at dating to be long term but rather just for fun. "

“Are you kidding, you are THE FUN! So why dont you just stop dating?”

” Because even though I don’t want someone most of the time, it’s lonely when I don’t have my children.  Besides, its easy to meet people so why not.  It becomes tricky when they want a commitment…not that Im afraid of commitment but it just doesnt feel right yet and I always blow it”

“Ok, how so often is that, being without your kids?”

“Every other weekend, 26 weekends…..wait, only 26 weekends……?”

Wait! 26 of anything is not that much!

That was my epiphany and the beginning of a brand new year. The heavens parted (kind of like they do whenever I thought I met the next best guy). I have avoided being alone for most of every other weekend because of the pain of loneliness.  After 18 years of a marriage that ended and 5 years of navigating single-hood, what I’ve been doing has not been working. I must say, many funny experiences and adventures have come from the past years ( most I had just realized have not come from dating) but I hadn’t overcome the loneliness and I was still trying to fill that void. The void only existed on the 26 weekends and I realized, at that very moment over my second drink and with my friends of 25 years, that only I can fulfill what is missing and so here I am. Twenty six weekends to fill is not so bad. Twenty six weekends of discovering the wide world and myself could be exciting but also scary. Twenty six weekends will turn into more because I know I am one person who has  always lived my life so fabulously, because life is just that!   Twenty six weekends to not be obligated to anyone is freedom that most don’t have….a gift really. Ohhh my what fun this can be as every encounter with me coincidentally turns into a story.   What is this about?  This not a "search",  it is living life as it's intended to be lived.  This is a practice of  gratitude for every experience.  This is about growth.  This is about allowing myself to be lead. This is about sharing and teaching.  This is about motivating.  This is about creating my best life.  This is about love in everything.  And for you?   This is about joining me in my journey and together realizing that you too can be  happy where you are.   You have power to create the life you want to create for yourself.  Every single person who has lost something, and has lost something big, has altered their life and has created an even better one.

A dear friend said recently during a party that I was hosting “She’s baaack” as I carried a box outside that had caught on fire in my oven. Yes! Im back and I realize there are upsides to joint custody.