What I have learned on week one is:
That once you release fear and control over your life and trust, you gain Super Powers to create the perfect one.
Amazing beginning to what is to be an awesome year. I believe that every step, every emotion, every mishap, every experience has led me to where I am right now at this very moment. I am grateful for it and wouldn’t trade it for any other. I haven't always felt this way but, I do wish I would have listened to others as they tried to guide me. I didn't want to listen. I knew what I was doing. I wanted to be in control. Little did I know. Now I know!
Week one was an amazing passage through what is a year of enlightment. The two women that I planted myself next to on the bench at the subway center at the start of my trip may not have thought so. Yes, in my very Kim way, I wiggled in between them not recognizing peoples need for personal space. The seat was made for three I reckoned and justified in my mind. One, an older lady looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. The other, a young student seemed to be immersed in her work on one of her devices. I bit into my apple and smiled….BIG! Yes I was in my own little world where I often find peace and happiness. A place where my children often wonder if I see something that they can't. The place in my mind right then was my recollection of what brought me here today where I was fortunate enough to find a seat between these two lovely ladies. I take nothing for granted and recognize every moment as intentional. Did this older woman need that early morning smile? Did that young student need my chaotic energy so that she recognizes and appreciates more the stillness of quiet moments? I don’t need the answer for all I know is that I am here and headed to where I am meant to be.
One month prior, I realized through blaring red signs that something wasn’t right. I was feeling a lot of pressure from my part-time position to commit more time to sales. I was dating someone who was very similar to my ex (returning to what I thought may work as it had for 18 years). I neglected to pay attention and continued on through the motions. I had mini breakdowns in the month leading to the end of the year. All intended for me to be able to move forward into a new life. In my first breakdown, I received a call from my part-time employer with an ultimatum. They needed more sales from me. It was a strictly commission based position and I was hired for servicing not sales. I couldn’t be pressured with quotas as a single mother with a another demanding full-time position. I resigned on the spot under pressure. I cried alone, I felt alone, I WAS alone. I realized at that moment that I couldn't call the man who I had been seeing for a few months. He wouldn’t care. Why was I with someone who wouldn’t care? I had settled for someone, anyone. Something I vowed I would never do. I realized I did as a result of desperation and neediness. I decided to resign from him t. I resigned from my part-time job and my relationship. And then thoughts came flooding in. I knew there was more, that I was meant for more, that my children deserved a mom who offered more, and the world deserved more from me. At that very moment I prayed, then (as many normal people do in the middle of angst and prayer) I opened my emails and read a message from Mike Dooley’s Message from theUniverse:
There is no problem, conflict, challenge, grievance, symptom, twitch, spasm, ache or pain, dear Kim - not even those you attribute to external causes - that cannot be spontaneously solved, relieved, or overcome by seeing what you have not yet allowed yourself to see.
That's why you have them, after all.
I can solve this, I can do better than this job, I can do better than this guy. I was limiting myself. I want to touch other people’s lives I want to make a difference, I want to be loved as I love. If I fall I get back up and literally brush my knees off (and I have many times... I love heels). If I bump into a curb, I change a tire. If I run out of gas, I put in more. If I lock myself out of my house, I climb through a window.
As I coincidentally posted on my FB wall a couple weeks prior:
I realized today that God only needs to nudge some while others, like me, need to be thrown to the ground...but rise up quickly shouting "Superstar" like Mary Catherine Gallagher :)
I cried in the parking lot (yes I did put the gear shift in park this time). I was also pissed! Why am I not believing in myself. Where along the way did I lose my confidence, my faith? I scrolled down Mike Dooley’s message and I found a link for a conference on Changing your Life. I clicked on the link. I need to attend but cant afford it. I need to go. I will find a way. Staring at the conference page I noticed that they were offering scholarships. Amazing for "There is no problem, conflict, challenge, grievance, symptom, twitch, spasm, ache or pain, dear Kim - not even those you attribute to external causes - that cannot be spontaneously solved, relieved, or overcome"
YES! Deadline was the following day. That night after I put my boys to bed I wrote my essay for the scholarship. It was filled with a lot of emotion and desperation but also trust and faith. Had I not experienced the day I had I wouldn’t have been able to write with such heart and it would have been questionable if I would have received a scholarship. A month later I received the letter that I was recipient of a scholarship. Everything else fell into place and I was flying to Seattle in two weeks on the start of my Twenty Six Weekends. And this, my friends is how thoughts become things and when you release the need for control and have faith you gain SUPER POWERS!
The week prior to Seattle I was in church and had this amazing feeling overcome me. It was soooo profound that I got goosebumps. It was not a result of what was being preached, it was not a result of an encounter with anyone, nor as a result of my prayer that day. It was peace and the holy spirit. It was a force that spontaneously overcame me. I teared up and realized all was going to be well and I was NOT alone. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING is purposeful.
Here I was on this glorious day headed to Seattle for a conference on Changing your Life on the first weekend of my Twenty Six Weekends . There are upsides to Joint Custody.
